Sunday, 16 March 2014

Fucking hardware

Ps3 broke, I was so far in DS2. Now there's another thing I need to buy, where the hell am I suppose to get the money? Oh well. Fuck it.

(Completely unrelated)

What I realized just then, about ten minutes ago, is that we're just choosing the way we're going to die.  Instead of choosing a gun or a knife. We choose to study, get a job, build a carrier, have a family, see the world or even change the world either way it's just your prolonged choice of suicide.

They say suicide is causing your own death intentionally. We all know we're going to die at some point, so we intentionally fill our lives up with wonderful experiences, but eventually too much life will kill you. So in choosing to live, and understanding we'll die because of it. Aren't we intentionally choosing a slower death, hence suicide.

So we're just choosing to run the blade fast or slowly I guess.

Gosh that's a weird thought.

(Completely unrelated)

Stupid ass ps3 being busted.

(Completely unrelated)

I've been looking at reference images and planning designs for the main character for this project. I need to stop thinking about everything that's involved and just take it one step at a time, because the development process is daunting.

Tuesday, 11 March 2014

Sunday, 9 March 2014

It has been a very long time.

I guess it's to get out of this coma, what a grueling year. Overlooked marketing with Tywin, lessons learned. All I wanted to do was get that game out and I did, but at what cost really.

I'd finish work at 6am then catch a bus for 20 minutes, wait for 3-4 hours for my classes to begin and finish the day at 9pm. It was awful, heartbreaking and painful. I had dropped down to 42kg's but my weight didn't faze me in the slightest.  I liked the stress because I knew I was going somewhere,  in comparison to some of the other students I definitely stood out. Though I wish I could have studied full-time without the hassle of work and all the other bullshit that relationships require.

On the day Tywin launched my doubts in my relationship had come to a head and on the 31-3-13 I called it quits and asked her to leave. I usually give my goals 110%, that way if I fail, I know I tried my best and I know she had tried too for a very long time but some problems cannot be fixed, so I made a hard decision, the right decision and ended it there.

This compounded personal and professional stresses but I still managed to graduate with high marks and was offered the advance diploma, which I turned down. I needed a break and the teachers at SIT didn't really care, only a few did but the majority were so dead, their resentment for their jobs and personal insecurities were thrown up onto students for absolutely no reason and was usually reflected in their work ethic, I swear most of the bad students were reflections of their own shitty methods. Beyond a few good classes and a few great teachers the diploma just taught me how to teach myself, going to class just separated me from the distractions in my life and allowed me to focus, but I did most of my work in my own time.

My motto was:
I can sleep when I'm dead

And I didn't really sleep at all.

During my time away, I've gained weight, got a six pack , learnt how to play the piano, have written a lot of my own music, performed my music on stage, learnt how to rock climb, got a new partner, healed social circles and more.

And now I'm here again. I hope I never make the same mistakes I made during Tywin's development, I hope I'm ready to begin this new project.

I'm scared because I lost so much last time... And I really can't go through that again.